My Journey with Christ and Sharing his love.

For the past one month of my summer vacation, it has been interesting. I must say almost nothing this year gone according to plan. My studies, my pursuit for internship and my desires, the firm decisions that I had made all are weaken and shaken. But is it me being indecisive and wishy washy or is it something else.

Maybe it all started with my decision of pursing an internship in Seattle. I applied for it, I got it, went through the interview and I declined the offer. Before I decline,  I had a firm decision that I want to go, I know the reasons for me to go there, not only interning to boost my resume but I am dying to experience the Christian community there regardless it is good or bad. But when I discuss this with my parents, their worries and the additional burden I am giving them just to let them allow me to go it is so difficult. After the great messed up in the beginning of the year, I was weary and tired. Literally lost my sense of direction. Well, it is ok no internship in Seattle, try to find one in Singapore. But it has been one month and as I expected no internship yet. The great mess in all my plans, I think it is time to let go and I want to go to do what I want. Going away from Singapore for a while with my family in Christ to KL for a moment and get back my focus in Christ. Haha then permission from parents was another burden for them. I withdrew my decision once again. Where has all my determination and goals I had two years back went to?

A question many people had asked me, what do I really want? I was laughing at myself, even if I really want it I will not pursue it if it burdens my love ones. Maybe that is my way to love my parents. Just like how the Lord had loved me, Jesus Christ has been always waiting for me to turn my eyes to him. He gently laid his desires and request for my own good, but never once forced me or pressed me to make a decision. That is how much the Lord loved me. Now, I am 22, I want to do and pursue many things, I have laid my requests and desires to my parents, rather than forcing them and pressuring them to give me the grant of agreement for my decision. I will wait till the day they are willing to let me go.

I had questioned myself before, do I really love my parents? I had never shown much concern to them like other children does. Maybe the Lord had answered my doubts in his ways. My love to my parents maybe a little bit different. My greatest hope is that they can see it and sense it and forgive me for being one that don't really know how to express love through words but through my decisions.

Thank you guys for making my day so special!!